Have you heard the phrase “feedback is a gift”? Well, not always. While feedback can be incredibly valuable, it’s important to discern when it truly is a gift and when it’s not. A few years ago, I participated in a 360-degree feedback tool at my corporate job. It was a heavily matrixed organization, and I had two bosses. As I reviewed the feedback, guess what? They both had completely different perspectives and were heavily biased by their own worldviews. If I had taken either of them seriously without questioning, I would have ended up with a flawed understanding.
So, how do you know when to accept or reject feedback? Here are some critical questions to ask yourself:
1. What is the intent of the person giving feedback?
– Some people might want to demean you under the guise of offering feedback. Genuine feedback aims to help you grow, not to bring you down.
2. Does the person have the capability to give valuable feedback?
– It’s easy to give feedback from the sidelines, but if someone has never been “in the arena,” their feedback might be just a personal opinion rather than valuable insight.
3. Is the feedback only negative?
– Even a non-working clock is right twice a day. If someone only has negative things to say without any willingness to help or support you, it’s not feedback – it’s their inability to see your value as a human being.
4. Is the feedback only positive?
– Similarly, if someone tells you that you are perfect, inherently we know there is no such thing. Overly positive feedback can stall your growth because if you believe you are perfect, what else is there to improve on?
Additional Considerations:
5. Look for patterns over time.
– One-off comments can be outliers. Look for consistent themes in the feedback you receive from multiple sources. If different people highlight the same areas for improvement, it’s more likely to be valid.
6. Evaluate the context.
– Consider the context in which the feedback is given. Was it during a high-stress situation, or a calm, reflective discussion? The circumstances can influence the tone and content of the feedback.
7. Reflect on your emotional response.
– Your initial reaction to feedback can provide clues about its validity. If it feels constructive, even if it’s critical, it’s likely meant to help. If it feels like a personal attack, it may be less useful.
8. Seek a second opinion.
– Discuss the feedback with a trusted mentor or colleague. They can provide an objective perspective and help you discern its value.
9. Follow up with the feedback giver.
– If you’re unsure about the feedback, ask for clarification. Understanding the specifics can help you determine if the feedback is actionable or not.
10. Practice self-compassion.
– Receiving feedback can be tough. Remember to be kind to yourself and focus on using feedback as a tool for growth, not a measure of your worth.
By asking these questions and considering these additional points, you can better navigate the world of feedback, accepting what helps you grow and rejecting what doesn’t. Remember, feedback can be a gift, but only if it’s given with the right intent, capability, and balance.
Conclusion
Feedback is a powerful tool for personal and professional development. However, not all feedback is created equal. By critically assessing the intent, capability, and balance of the feedback, and by considering additional factors such as patterns, context, and your own emotional response, you can determine which feedback to accept and which to disregard. Embrace the feedback that helps you grow, and remember to practice self-compassion throughout the process. Feedback can be a gift, but it’s up to you to unwrap it wisely.
